i have now moved to
www.panfra.blogspot.com
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
Samantha asked me a question earlier tonight on msn, she asked " who do you consider the closest people to you?" i pondered about this question and i gave her a list of the people i generally do care about and i know in turn care about me. Heres that list:
Richard
Frank
Kevin
Samantha
Philip
Sarah
Tony
Jacky
Jeff
Ware
Ctee
there are others who were on this list that i do care about but then i thought "do they care about me?" and it just made me ponder where things have come with me and certain friends and how things have come about. It's weird when you find something out, or you think something is going on behind your back, but maybe it is nothing. All i can say is i hate being left out in the dark. If only this was like gossip girl where you'd get a text for every crazy thing that happens but then again my life isn't an American drama or sitcom.
Anyways there's been no improvement with my grandpa or my uncle. Still in hospital both of them and i still don't know the diagnosis of my uncles tumor if its cancerous or not. I kind of think my dad does know but he just doesn't want me to find out. I just hope for the best and things are okay, but for now all i can say is i'm not okay.
time to sleep, job interview tomorrow!
Richard
Frank
Kevin
Samantha
Philip
Sarah
Tony
Jacky
Jeff
Ware
Ctee
there are others who were on this list that i do care about but then i thought "do they care about me?" and it just made me ponder where things have come with me and certain friends and how things have come about. It's weird when you find something out, or you think something is going on behind your back, but maybe it is nothing. All i can say is i hate being left out in the dark. If only this was like gossip girl where you'd get a text for every crazy thing that happens but then again my life isn't an American drama or sitcom.
Anyways there's been no improvement with my grandpa or my uncle. Still in hospital both of them and i still don't know the diagnosis of my uncles tumor if its cancerous or not. I kind of think my dad does know but he just doesn't want me to find out. I just hope for the best and things are okay, but for now all i can say is i'm not okay.
time to sleep, job interview tomorrow!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
...
Wow i havent blogged since the 22nd of August, pretty long ago, but anyways decided to blog since i need to clear my head a bit. I need some moment of clarity so i though blogging would help.
A lotta stuffs been happening in the past few weeks, uni exams, living by myself for like a week, then with my dad for a week, mum and sis coming back from philippines, a bunch of inflows and out flows into my life. It's been pretty up and down, and i think now im pretty much on a down. Too much saddening shit is happening. My uncle is in hospital, i remember he called like on Monday asking for my dads number, and i asked my dad why my uncle called yesterday, he told me cause he needed a lift to the hospital cause he was getting operated to get a tumor removed from his brain. At that moment this sinking feeling of sadness just overcame me, i then asked my dad if it was cancerous but he said he didnt know if it was or not. So im just kinda waiting for whats to happen. It's really been bugging me and yeah its kinda stressing me out. My uncle is like the greatest bloke. He's always been so nice to me and jsut been caring. It's just a weird shit feeling inside of me.
Also to add to this, the main reason why my mum and sis went back to philppines was to accompany my grandparents back to Australia, cause they needed help getting back cause my grandpa is sick, turns out a day after they came back my mum was panicking and i asked why, said that my grandpa was in hospital. It's been pretty rough, i should visit him soon but fuck, this has been all too fked up.
I don't know how to feel about things, i try to be happy but i end up being sad. It's really just all confusing and just completely depressing. I don;t know where i stand atm in my life, things have just been fked up. Ive been pissed off lately, i hate texting someone and not getting a reply. I've been sending countless texts to someone over the past week, but i havent gotten one single reply. fuck sake. fml
Anyways i think i better just chill off for now. I'm getting pretty shitty.
A lotta stuffs been happening in the past few weeks, uni exams, living by myself for like a week, then with my dad for a week, mum and sis coming back from philippines, a bunch of inflows and out flows into my life. It's been pretty up and down, and i think now im pretty much on a down. Too much saddening shit is happening. My uncle is in hospital, i remember he called like on Monday asking for my dads number, and i asked my dad why my uncle called yesterday, he told me cause he needed a lift to the hospital cause he was getting operated to get a tumor removed from his brain. At that moment this sinking feeling of sadness just overcame me, i then asked my dad if it was cancerous but he said he didnt know if it was or not. So im just kinda waiting for whats to happen. It's really been bugging me and yeah its kinda stressing me out. My uncle is like the greatest bloke. He's always been so nice to me and jsut been caring. It's just a weird shit feeling inside of me.
Also to add to this, the main reason why my mum and sis went back to philppines was to accompany my grandparents back to Australia, cause they needed help getting back cause my grandpa is sick, turns out a day after they came back my mum was panicking and i asked why, said that my grandpa was in hospital. It's been pretty rough, i should visit him soon but fuck, this has been all too fked up.
I don't know how to feel about things, i try to be happy but i end up being sad. It's really just all confusing and just completely depressing. I don;t know where i stand atm in my life, things have just been fked up. Ive been pissed off lately, i hate texting someone and not getting a reply. I've been sending countless texts to someone over the past week, but i havent gotten one single reply. fuck sake. fml
Anyways i think i better just chill off for now. I'm getting pretty shitty.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Just Missed The Train
Lately i've been really defensive. Just not really opening up or initiating anything. I don't know why but i just feel a bit suss about certain people and i've been feeling overall distant and just weird this past week. Uni's been okay so i don't think its that, Family has been okay nothing really drastic has happened cept im going to be home alone for the next 2 weeks which is going to be pretty good but somewhat weird in a way. Friends, well i've been distant from quite a few, to be honest there are like 4 people i can certainly say i trust with all my heart. I don't know about the everyone else that i consider a true friend, it's just confusing or maybe im taking things outta context but it just feels people have moved on with their lives and i've sorta been left behind or maybe im just one emo whiny son of a bitch, thats why things are like this but yeah i dunno. It's like i got to station too late and i just missed the train.
As i write this blog im listening to Beautiful - Eminem, it's a pretty powerful song. I like the lyrics and the overall beat of it. I like songs that i can relate to, it makes it even more a reason to listen to and just overall chill out to it. I like the intro to the song and i can say it relates to the general idea of this post
Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you
I miss certain people or just how things were or how they were. I miss all the little things. The late nights up without a care in the world.. *starts dreaming....*
As i write this blog im listening to Beautiful - Eminem, it's a pretty powerful song. I like the lyrics and the overall beat of it. I like songs that i can relate to, it makes it even more a reason to listen to and just overall chill out to it. I like the intro to the song and i can say it relates to the general idea of this post
Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you
I miss certain people or just how things were or how they were. I miss all the little things. The late nights up without a care in the world.. *starts dreaming....*
Friday, August 7, 2009
She Fixes Her Lips, They Always Look Perfect.
Another random late night out with Richie L in the city playing poker. I got home later than i did last night but yeah nonetheless these last two nights have been epicly randomly especially tonight. Just a brief recap of what i did today, i went to Macq Uni to hang with richard during his lectures, saw jay, nellie and david. Hung around there till like 5 and then i convinced richard to come city to play poker. Got there at around 5:30, dropped david off at work. Pretty good times seeing him at work ( background story behind this ) But anyways after that visited garmon, got a map of where the bowlers club was, Went there played some poker then randomly got asked to go to a PRO game. Ended up at some place near central at 10 and pokered till like 1. Then i caught a nightride home. I met quite a lot of people today due to poker. All funny people and yeah i've enjoyed the last two nights quite alot. They were quite long days but yeah such fun times, Though i need a job fully poor these days. I hope davey jones hires me.
These past couple of days i've been thinking about a certain person. I just had to blurt it out cause it's been clouding my mind too much and i haven;t really dnmed with anyone recently about it or about anything really so its kinda gay but oh wells.
oh btw sorry amanda >=[. I feel bad for not replying. Though i didnt get any smses from you so yeah thats gay. I'm sorry!. It feels like we havent talked in ages and yeah =[
anyways i think this blog post is pretty fail. I didnt structure shit properly
i guess im just tired to the max
These past couple of days i've been thinking about a certain person. I just had to blurt it out cause it's been clouding my mind too much and i haven;t really dnmed with anyone recently about it or about anything really so its kinda gay but oh wells.
oh btw sorry amanda >=[. I feel bad for not replying. Though i didnt get any smses from you so yeah thats gay. I'm sorry!. It feels like we havent talked in ages and yeah =[
anyways i think this blog post is pretty fail. I didnt structure shit properly
i guess im just tired to the max
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